just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
