i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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