i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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