Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
