mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
