Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
