so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
