Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
