The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
