you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
