u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
