Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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