Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
