i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Text me some of your sweat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
