I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
