Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
