Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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