Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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