ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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