I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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