Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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