She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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