I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
