She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
