my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
