You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
