Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
