I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
