If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
