you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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