We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
