I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
