either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
