I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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