I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
