At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
