It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
