i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
