I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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