I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
