somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
