Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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