There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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