today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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