i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
