chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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