forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
