can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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