Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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