I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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