I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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