Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
