I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
