the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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