i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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