I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
