Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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