Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
