Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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